Mediation is a confidential, voluntary process by which a neutral party facilitates the communication, negotiation and agreements between two parties involved in a dispute or complicated interpersonal issue.
Divorce will likely be one of the most difficult and life-changing moments for you and your family. But, take heart—it does not have to leave a wake of emotional wreckage. Studies show that if parents put their children’s interests in the forefront and keep conflict at bay, their children have the same opportunity to grow into securely attached, emotionally well-developed adults as their peers from in-tact families. When determining custody, attorneys are not child development specialists, and while they can guide on scheduling, there are considerably more issues than simply your family's schedule that will go into your future co-parenting relationship. With my guidance, together we will determine the elements of an extensive Parenting Plan that keeps your child's developmental interests in the forefront, to be reviewed by your attorneys, and ultimately filed with your Marital Settlement Agreement.
What is Child-Centered Mediation? Research has shown that parental conflict is the number one contributor to difficulties for children during parental separation*. Despite best intentions, the process of developing a parenting plan can become misdirected by parents’ emotional need to gain power over each other. Through the hurt, a gut reaction can be to make unbalanced custody demands -- risking a long, expensive and painful process of child custody litigation.
In litigation, you are at the mercy of a judge or court-appointed evaluator to determine what is best for your family in a relatively short amount of time – decisions that have significant long-term consequences for your children. In mediation, you and the child’s other parent retain control in determining how you will share parenting time and responsibilities. Although it may be difficult for you both to communicate during this highly emotional time, a mediator is trained to help you remove the emotion from the discussion and to focus on your true interests – the needs of your children - while ensuring that the process is balanced and you are both being heard.
Some parents are simply unsure of what type of shared arrangement will best suit them and their children. Child-Centered Mediation is conducted by a licensed clinician who is a child development specialist and, as a neutral party between parents, facilitates decisions that are balanced, fair, emphasize the needs of the child and the best interest of all parties.
How does it work? During the initial consultation, I will discuss the process and answer your questions and determine if I am someone with whom you would like to work. If you choose to go forward, you will sign an agreement to mediate and be provided with some intake forms that focus on your wishes going forward for your relationship with your children. You will also be provided with a list of 50 or so topics that can go into a Parenting Plan for you to consider.
I typically meet separately with each parent first for half a session. Then we meet together to being going through the Parenting Plan, editing it to suit your needs, and typically focusing on the most pressing decisions--such as schedules--first.
Meetings can go from one hour to four hours per session, depending on your stamina. It can be emotionally draining so we will meet at your pace. All meetings are conducted over Telehealth, so you are never required to meet in the same room.
Mediating the Parenting Plan portion of your Marital Settlement Agreement with one mediator between you who is a licensed clinician and child development specialist is also typically far less expensive for both parents than working with two attorneys.
*The Kids’ Turn Way, 2010
Parenting Coordination
A Parenting Coordinator, formerly called a Special Master, is someone who, due to ongoing high conflict post divorce, aids the co-parents in an alternative dispute resolution process that may or may not be court ordered. A Parenting Coordinator's role is typically defined by the court, and may span services from mediating conflict, improving parenting skills and communication and arbitrating decisions when conflict cannot be resolved.
As a trained Parenting Coordinator and therapist with a background in child development, my firm and boundaries but compassionate and gentle approach may help you and your co-parent with conflict, but more importantly, puts your child's needs first.
If you have a child with special needs, a disability, neurodevelopment disorder or mental health issue, my focus on special needs adds a layered understanding to the complexities of your situation.